Month: December 2018

Each year immediately after Christmas day, there seems to be a moment of reflection as we complete one year and prepare for a new year. Perhaps, it is just my perception, but I suspect many of us consider this period different than any other time in the year. We have been busy preparing for the big Day. Afterwards, it may seem to be a let down. Many of us have to go back to work to pay for what we just spent. We have tax deadlines to meet in order to get all those last minute deductions. We reflect on how much food we ate and set goals to loose all that extra weight. This year has reached its maturity but have we? O well, there is always next year. Right?

You can find a lot of information on the internet regarding maturity. One interesting article list 12 attributes defining emotional maturity. (www.liveyourtruestorey.com) I believe we can choose to live as a child doing childlike actions all of our lives or we can choose to grow. I am guilty of non-growth periods in my life and ashamed to admit perhaps a few times where I went backwards in my emotional maturity efforts. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to humble our self to accept growth. We need to be flexible enough to accept growth inwardly before we can present a state of maturity outwardly. Whatever our New Year’s resolution we claim outwardly this year, we must believe in our selves first before broadcasting to others.

There maybe times when people we know or love dislike us. The reasons may be simple or complex but if we dwell on the dislikes, we will certainly miss the likes. We need to show compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. We need to be tolerant and show willingness to forgive. Most important, we need to love which is the perfect bond of unity. (Colossians 3:12-14) If we concentrate on these attributes, the number of people who dislike us will be reduced. I believe we should not be in a contest to achieve likes for the sake of recognition. Instead, we should be in a state of maturing where we like ourselves, believe in ourselves and become more approachable.

Two stories in the old and new testaments have helped me to understand maturity. Samuel was a young boy given to Eli as an apprentice to serve the Lord. The boy kept growing up (maturing) and was more and more liked by both the Lord and the people. (1 Samuel 2:18-26) Jesus was only 12 years old when he went to Jerusalem with his parents for the Passover Festival. He stayed behind to listen and question with an understanding of the answers. His parents were not happy with his 3 day absence. Jesus had the maturity even at that age to be patient and tolerant. He continued to mature in wisdom and years in favor with God and with people. (Luke 2:41-52) We can learn from these stories the state of maturity. I encourage you to learn the attributes of maturity. If we all practice and grow together, in my opinion, we can overcome many obstacles holding us from full maturity. Happy New Year!

T

Every one knows what this notation means, “:)”, right? Well, I would guess that 99% of people who use their smart phones, use notations like this one. For the 1% who do not use or even know what an emoji is, this notation signifies an emoji smile. 😊 “A smile is formed primarily by flexing the muscles at the sides of the mouth. It is believed it takes about 42 muscles to smile. Some smiles include a contraction of the muscles at the corner of the eyes, an action known as a “Duchenne smile”.” Wikipedia 

The actual number of muscles needed to smile as opposed to frown noted, “:(” , is subject to debate. Some say it takes 43 muscles to frown, ☹, and only 17 to smile. Our facial expression delivers a non-verbal message. I would like to believe it is better to deliver a welcoming message than one saying stay away from me. A frown may send such a negative message that we repulse instead of attract people. I have heard it said that if you are happy or glad, then we should notify our face.

During this most festive of seasons, why are so many people appearing to be frowning? Perhaps, all we need to do is look into the mirror to see what expression we are presenting to the public. Are we thinking about that expensive gift we just bought? Maybe, we can not even afford to buy the gift but buying it anyway because that is what’s expected. Maybe, we are experiencing a loss of a loved one or a job and cannot imagine what the new year will bring. So when we least expect it, our frown reveals our inner feeling. In my opinion, I think it takes a very special effort on our part to smile or be glad. Maybe, it is not the amount of muscles we employ to 😊 or ☹ that we should concern ourselves. Instead, maybe it is the amount of effort we choose to be glad always.

In Philippians 4:4-7, we are reminded to be glad in the Lord always. We should be gentle in our treatment to everyone. We should not be anxious about anything as we should bring our requests to God along with giving thanks. “Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus.”

A smile is an outer expression of our inner efforts to be glad. Whereas, a frown is an outer expression of our inner sadness.

T

We can all relate to arrival of a flight where loved ones are coming or going. We can also understand all of us arriving at a place where we can pin point on a map. Arrival is the action or process of arriving. Okay, that is a simple definition but can we truly claim that we have arrived? Yes, if it is a destination on a map. No, if it is where we think we want to go. Just as soon as we think we have arrived, then the rules change. We can think we have arrived at the retirement age where all will be great but the rules change. We have to search for another arrival point. A person may announce their arrival at a physical location, but can we announce our arrival in life? A high school football player may have desires of arrival at college a football star, but does not quite make it. They could spend the rest of their life wishing for football stardom and be depressed the rest of their life. They could move on to a new arrival point. It is their choice. Do we ever truly reach our arrival point where we can say yes, I have arrived? I believe we should remain in a state of preparation. The ultimate arrival point is yet to be revealed.

When I retired from my profession, I taught a little and gained a huge respect for teachers who make a career out of sharing knowledge with others. I have been active in ministry for 20 years though have scaled back a bit. Have I arrived at a sweet spot where I can set back and relaxed? NO! I believe we are put on this earth to be in a continuous mode of preparation for the next step, until we are called home. After retiring from my career as an Engineer and Project Manager, I started writing. This blog post will be my 172nd posting since 2014. Do I plan to stop? No! In fact, stay tuned as my writing has now expanded to my first book called “Sticks and Stones” just published. You can order it on Amazon now and will be on book shelves around the country in printed and electronic form in a few more weeks. Can I then say, I have arrived? No, as new opportunities are always available until my time here on earth comes to an end. The peace of what is to come keeps me grounded on the search for my next arrival.

Someone asked me the other day what does advent mean. If we search the definition, one of the synonyms is arrival. In Christian belief, it is a time of waiting and preparation for the first and second coming of Jesus. In Luke 3:3-6, John was a voice crying in the wilderness telling anyone who would hear to make yourself ready. That was good advise thousands of years ago and still sound advise now. We never really can say that we have arrived at our destination in life. However, we should prepare ourselves for our salvation through His arrival. 

T

I am guilty as charged! For what? Not listening. My wife reminds me everyday how guilty I am when she has to repeat what she just told me. We may say it is “selective hearing” but all joking aside, it is a huge problem in our society today. My church denomination is having “Listening Sessions” this year around a very sensitive issue on how we plan to move forward regarding matters of human sexuality and unity. The way forward is to be determined next Spring and will most likely affect our denomination forever. My message this week is about effective listening to one another.

Wikipedia describes listening as the attention we give to sounds such as speech, music or nature. It involves a complex affective, cognitive, and behavioral process. You can dive into the google world and learn a whole lot about our abilities or lackluster attempts to listen. Active listening in one article says it is the most important skill we can have. Unfortunately, most of us are not using our skill very effectively as between 25-50% of what we hear we remember. We should make a conscience effort by first paying attention. We should make eye contact, put our own thoughts on hold and then provide feed back to the person talking confirming we understand what was said. A good source to learn more on active listening is at www.mindtools.com.

My church denomination started a commission on a way forward as mentioned above several years ago. Harmful behaviors mentioned in the report is interrupting, ignoring, discounting other’s opinions, speaking on behalf of others, or exhibiting a domineering behavior to others. These harmful behaviors do not promote effective listening, in my opinion. We all have opinions, but perhaps we all need to learn how to first listen to another’s opinion before jumping into our point of view. We can all take scripture passages to prove our point but to me it is not about proving our point. It is about listening to each other with the intention to understand each other’s position. Most arguments are not about the superficial actions that started the conflict. In my opinion, the argument stems from a lack of proper communication. One person may specifically ask for something, where the other person, without thinking reacts. The action of the first person causes a reaction of the second person yielding a negative result. If the second person considered the question more thoroughly, perhaps the result may have been more positive. I believe many of us tend to speak on behalf of others assuming we know the answer. I am sure we all had situations during our Thanksgiving holiday that could have gone better, if we had listened more effectively. As we start Advent leading up to Christmas Day, let us all be aware of the power of listening with the intent to first understand before imposing our own thoughts.

John 18:33-37 tells us the story of how Pilate heard only what he wanted to hear about Jesus. Let us not listen with the intent to only hear what we want to hear. The passage ends with these words, “Whoever accepts the truth listens to my voice.”

May we listen for the purpose of understanding the whole story.

T