The word fond, fonder and fondness have the same meaning which is to have an affection or liking for someone or something. I think being fond of a person is a prerequisite to being in love. We can be fond of someone without falling in love. We can have an affection for a pet or a relative or an event like baseball, but that does not mean love. I believe the two words compliment each other. Why? Because, how can we fall in love with someone until we are fond of them? I believe that being in love with a person means that our individual life journey merges into one. Does that mean we are always together or can our journey take separate paths when necessary and merge again later? I think of all the military spouses who merge and divide often for service to their country. Fondness towards one another can be strengthened by planned separations.
In 1977 when I graduated with my Mechanical Engineering degree, I was ready to see the world. I did not seriously consider any domestic job offers because I had a fondness for travel. The career I chose did indeed allow me the opportunity to travel all over the world. When I first started my career, love was furthest from my mind. It was all about learning my chosen profession. My focus was on my career and that was that. I did have a fondness for the party scene, but love, no way! I found an old letter I wrote to my parents 42 years ago explaining to them that I had found a very special person. At the time, I did not understand the concept of love or even having a fondness for someone. I am amazed at how much in love I still am for that special person. We met in 1977 in Scotland and was married on March 17th, 1979. Yes, it was St. Patrick’s Day. No, we did not even consider the significance of that date. It was a date we had scheduled randomly not aware that each year we now ask why that date? Perhaps, the British can appreciate the irony. Nevertheless, 40 years ago, I said yes and she said yes and from that point on we have lived together, raised children together and planned times of separation together. I promised her 40 years ago that we would always have the resources for her to travel back home to visit with her parents, other relatives and friends. It was not easy to find the resources over the years, but I am blessed that this was a promise kept. As I write this note, we are on one of those planned separations. Yes, even on our 40th!
During each of the 40 years, we have been separated for at least 3 weeks or longer. In the Middle East, we planned our absence from one another during the hottest time of the year. Sometimes it was necessary for work or illness but all times it has been a moment to reflect on the blessings we have been given. I dislike the separation, but during those times, like how we are strengthened as a couple when back together? The phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is so true. It is like fasting! When we fast, we appreciate what we are fasting from much better. It can be healthy for us to fast if we do not abuse our bodies by depriving ourselves of important nutrients and fluids. Likewise, I believe it can be a healthy relationship if there are planned separations. We did not consider the health aspect of separations throughout the years, but believe that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I love my wife just as much now than when we proclaimed our vows on March 17th, 1979. I wander sometimes what would our relationship be like without the times absent from one another. God has blessed us greatly so why wander? Happy anniversary love of my life.
T
Footnote: Who was the author of the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? Some credit the polyglot Anlgo-Welsh writer James Howell in 1650, observed that “Distance sometimes endears friendship, and absence sweeteneth it.” Others credit Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice 1596-1598 yet others say was an anonymous poem published by Francis Davison’s Poetical Rhapsody in 1602 as the origin of this proverb. (english.stackexchange.com)