Author: terry.a.lindsey@charter.net

Every one knows what this notation means, “:)”, right? Well, I would guess that 99% of people who use their smart phones, use notations like this one. For the 1% who do not use or even know what an emoji is, this notation signifies an emoji smile. 😊 “A smile is formed primarily by flexing the muscles at the sides of the mouth. It is believed it takes about 42 muscles to smile. Some smiles include a contraction of the muscles at the corner of the eyes, an action known as a “Duchenne smile”.” Wikipedia  The actual number of muscles needed to smile as opposed to frown noted, “:(” , is subject to debate. Some say it takes 43 muscles to frown, ☹, and only 17 to smile. Our facial expression delivers a non-verbal message. I would like to believe it is better to deliver a welcoming message than one saying stay away from me. A frown may send such a negative message that we repulse instead of attract people. I have heard it said that if you are happy or glad, then we should notify our face. During this most festive of seasons, why are so many people appearing to be frowning? Perhaps, all we need to do is look into the mirror to see what expression we are presenting to the public. Are we thinking about that expensive gift we just bought? Maybe, we can not even afford to buy the gift but buying it anyway because that is what’s expected. Maybe, we are experiencing a loss of a loved one or a job and cannot imagine what the new year will bring. So when we least expect it, our frown reveals our inner feeling. In my opinion, I think it takes a very special effort on our part to smile or be glad. Maybe, it is not the amount of muscles we employ to 😊 or ☹ that we should concern ourselves. Instead, maybe it is the amount of effort we choose to be glad always. In Philippians 4:4-7, we are reminded to be glad in the Lord always. We should be gentle in our treatment to everyone. We should not be anxious about anything as we should bring our requests to God along with giving thanks. “Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus.” A smile is an outer expression of our inner efforts to be glad. Whereas, a frown is an outer expression of our inner sadness. T

We can all relate to arrival of a flight where loved ones are coming or going. We can also understand all of us arriving at a place where we can pin point on a map. Arrival is the action or process of arriving. Okay, that is a simple definition but can we truly claim that we have arrived? Yes, if it is a destination on a map. No, if it is where we think we want to go. Just as soon as we think we have arrived, then the rules change. We can think we have arrived at the retirement age where all will be great but the rules change. We have to search for another arrival point. A person may announce their arrival at a physical location, but can we announce our arrival in life? A high school football player may have desires of arrival at college a football star, but does not quite make it. They could spend the rest of their life wishing for football stardom and be depressed the rest of their life. They could move on to a new arrival point. It is their choice. Do we ever truly reach our arrival point where we can say yes, I have arrived? I believe we should remain in a state of preparation. The ultimate arrival point is yet to be revealed.

When I retired from my profession, I taught a little and gained a huge respect for teachers who make a career out of sharing knowledge with others. I have been active in ministry for 20 years though have scaled back a bit. Have I arrived at a sweet spot where I can set back and relaxed? NO! I believe we are put on this earth to be in a continuous mode of preparation for the next step, until we are called home. After retiring from my career as an Engineer and Project Manager, I started writing. This blog post will be my 172nd posting since 2014. Do I plan to stop? No! In fact, stay tuned as my writing has now expanded to my first book called “Sticks and Stones” just published. You can order it on Amazon now and will be on book shelves around the country in printed and electronic form in a few more weeks. Can I then say, I have arrived? No, as new opportunities are always available until my time here on earth comes to an end. The peace of what is to come keeps me grounded on the search for my next arrival.

Someone asked me the other day what does advent mean. If we search the definition, one of the synonyms is arrival. In Christian belief, it is a time of waiting and preparation for the first and second coming of Jesus. In Luke 3:3-6, John was a voice crying in the wilderness telling anyone who would hear to make yourself ready. That was good advise thousands of years ago and still sound advise now. We never really can say that we have arrived at our destination in life. However, we should prepare ourselves for our salvation through His arrival. 

T

I am guilty as charged! For what? Not listening. My wife reminds me everyday how guilty I am when she has to repeat what she just told me. We may say it is “selective hearing” but all joking aside, it is a huge problem in our society today. My church denomination is having “Listening Sessions” this year around a very sensitive issue on how we plan to move forward regarding matters of human sexuality and unity. The way forward is to be determined next Spring and will most likely affect our denomination forever. My message this week is about effective listening to one another.

Wikipedia describes listening as the attention we give to sounds such as speech, music or nature. It involves a complex affective, cognitive, and behavioral process. You can dive into the google world and learn a whole lot about our abilities or lackluster attempts to listen. Active listening in one article says it is the most important skill we can have. Unfortunately, most of us are not using our skill very effectively as between 25-50% of what we hear we remember. We should make a conscience effort by first paying attention. We should make eye contact, put our own thoughts on hold and then provide feed back to the person talking confirming we understand what was said. A good source to learn more on active listening is at www.mindtools.com.

My church denomination started a commission on a way forward as mentioned above several years ago. Harmful behaviors mentioned in the report is interrupting, ignoring, discounting other’s opinions, speaking on behalf of others, or exhibiting a domineering behavior to others. These harmful behaviors do not promote effective listening, in my opinion. We all have opinions, but perhaps we all need to learn how to first listen to another’s opinion before jumping into our point of view. We can all take scripture passages to prove our point but to me it is not about proving our point. It is about listening to each other with the intention to understand each other’s position. Most arguments are not about the superficial actions that started the conflict. In my opinion, the argument stems from a lack of proper communication. One person may specifically ask for something, where the other person, without thinking reacts. The action of the first person causes a reaction of the second person yielding a negative result. If the second person considered the question more thoroughly, perhaps the result may have been more positive. I believe many of us tend to speak on behalf of others assuming we know the answer. I am sure we all had situations during our Thanksgiving holiday that could have gone better, if we had listened more effectively. As we start Advent leading up to Christmas Day, let us all be aware of the power of listening with the intent to first understand before imposing our own thoughts.

John 18:33-37 tells us the story of how Pilate heard only what he wanted to hear about Jesus. Let us not listen with the intent to only hear what we want to hear. The passage ends with these words, “Whoever accepts the truth listens to my voice.”

May we listen for the purpose of understanding the whole story.

T

I wrote a blog Thanksgiving of 2016 called “Absence of light”. When I wrote it, I was trying to draw a parallel between Heat and Light. Absence of heat is when there is no movement of particles to generate energy. It is very cold! Absence of light is very evil. When we are surrounded by evil, we put ourselves in darkness. When we are cold, we turn up the heat and do activities that will warm us up. When we are in the dark, we turn up the light and do activities that will light us up. What do you do to light up your world? What do you not do? I think the most important thing is to not worry. We spend many hours of the day and night listening to negative news about the economy, the unrest around the world, natural disasters, politics right or left, etc. We get all worked up about things someone has said or done. Do we get angry or revengeful or just worry? From Wikipedia,” worry refers to the thoughts, images, and emotions of a negative nature…” The definition continues to indicate that we are proactive in our worrying trying to avoid or solve the potential threats. Worrying will make us sick and keeps us in the darkness where evil resides. How do we stop this destructive behavior?

Matthew 6:25-33, which is part of Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount”, tells us not to worry. I encourage you to read the whole passage, period. There should not be a question when there is a definite period. Questioning will only start the worry again. Leave it alone! I ended my post in 2016 by saying, “during this time of Thanksgiving, let us truly give thanks to the Creator of all things for without Him, we would only be motionless particles with no past, present or future.” A motionless particle cannot generate heat. A person full of worry can become motionless and cannot generate light. Do you consider yourself a provider of light? Or are you afraid to let your light shine because you worry about someone’s reaction? You, therefore, remain in darkness. As we start the holiday season, will it be a joyful or stressful time for you? The answer to that question is yes, depending on your attitude. Happy Stress Free, No Worry, Thanksgiving to you all.

T

Here is a trivia question for you. What song connects Queen to Lady Gaga? Too easy? Then, who wrote the song? Still probably too easy for you music experts. I encourage you to go to see the two movies mentioned below to learn more about these dynamic characters.

Encouragement is the action of giving someone support, confidence or hope. Synonyms include inspiration, motivation, stimulation just to name a few from google sources. My wife and I have been on a family mission to help our son move into their new home way down in Florida along the East Coast. We made two trips loaded with stuff for their new home. We then spent two weeks moving all that stuff into their home. We built a floating dock, ripped up carpet, painted and whatever we could to provide encouragement to our son and family. Now, we are making our way back home feeling good about providing help and encouragement.

I am writing this message while in a condo in Gulf Shores overlooking a beach. It is awesome to walk along the beach even though chilly to feel the fresh sea air. Have not seen much sun as cold, rainy and windy for a few days, but still relaxing. We took advantage of the inclement weather to watch awesome movies. We were both blown away by the stories of encouragement in the light of adversity. We saw two movies in two simultaneous days. That has never happened to us but worth the effort. Without setting off a “spoiler alert”, the movies were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “A Star is Born”. Both movies were about devastating lives turned around with the encouragement of loved ones and friends. Unfortunately, both movies ended in tragedy when the one being encouraged failed to accept the love and good deeds of their true friends and loved ones. They tragically went down a path of destruction.

Hebrews 10 starting at verse 24 says, “And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds. Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.”

Whether we are considering the meeting reference above as church or a gathering of friends, the message is still the same. Do not try to fix yourself by yourself. Instead, be in a state encouragement in a group of people who believe in love and good deeds not hatred and selfishness.

T